The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to Salvation

I always look forward to coffee-shop banter with people I am comfortable with because of the infinite directions that the arbit conversation can potentially take. Maybe it’s the stimulating effect of the coffee.
Like the other day, interest centered around the phenomenon of hitch-hiking and I found it remarkable that a subject as mundane as hitching a ride could evoke such strong and opposing reactions among the junta. So here’s my take on the controversial subject, and this comes from a guy who’s saved just short of a million by opting for rides across town instead of the conventional modes of transport….and has also given an equal number of rides, by the way!

So pray tell me, what is hitch-hiking??

Images of open roads, blue skies, green fields, a rucksack on your back, no destination in mind, no people in sight, till the first truck trundles along and you flag it down? How romantic….and how unrealistic! A more pragmatic picture would be your sweltering in the noon sun, hundreds of two-wheelers whizzing by, your futile attempts to flag one of them down and more often than not, be left behind in a cloud of smoke. If it was the rainy season, you could replace the smoke with a puddle of rain water.

Err…I am a novice at this. How exactly do I hitch a ride?

Never fear, you are not alone. Going by the whole gamut of signals I’ve been subjected to while out on a bike, the Hitch-Hikers’ Ignoramus Club is a thickly populated one. From a “Hail Hitler!” salute to a friendly farewell wave to a secretive gesticulation of the hand which only a paranoid could have detected, the signals are always varied and confusing. All that’s required though is a series of jerks of the hand with the thumb pointing in the general direction you want to go; not upwards, since that would indicate a distinct lack of trust in the driver’s abilities, and not backwards, since that could easily be interpreted as an obscene gesture. But whatever you do, make sure it’s noticed!

Is there a particular class of travellers I should concentrate on for hitching a ride from?

You could try the process of elimination. Vehicle-users, by nature, are reluctant lift-givers. After all, where’s the incentive for them to share their travelling space with a sweaty, overbearing, potential human bomb? So, cars, vans and all four-wheelers of the like can be safely discounted. The closed environment they sit in makes it perfectly simple for the drivers to pretend to have not noticed you. Two-wheelers with two people already on it are a no-no for obvious reasons. Bikes driven by a member of the fairer sex are gambles which very rarely pay off. But it’s worth pursuing, because of the inherent ‘high risk, high gains’ opportunity associated with it. All said and done though, the ideal target is male, travelling alone, on a bike, roughly around your age and with a sympathetic enough face.

So how about some tricks of the trade?

Now we’re talking! The key to remember here is that most travellers suffer a pang of guilt when they refuse a request for a ride. Whether that’s rational or not is debatable, but the hitch-hiker should look to capitalize on this.
This is best done by catching vehicles on corners or traffic-signals when they slow down since this increases your time of contact with him, making it tougher for him to ignore you.
Also, there’s the classic counter-trick that drivers attempt to pull, by indicating that they’re taking the immediate next left/right turn and so they have to turn you down, however much they hate to do it. The counter to this counter-trick would be to catch him on a straight road with no perceptible turns for some distance. Incredible though it seems, the lack of a plausible reason to ignore you can force some drivers to pick you up!
And you could help your cause by making your plea for a lift as earnest as possible and not treat the lift as something long overdue to you. And keep walking while you signal for a lift. It creates the impression that you’re willing to consider the option of making it on your own too, and you aren’t some lazy bugger who won’t budge an inch till a vehicle stops. Pure psychology, but it works!

But...but is all the effort really worth it?

Ask the Ministry of Non-Conventional Energy Sources and they’ll lecture you on the environmental merits of pooling vehicle resources! From a purely personal point of view too, it exposes you to new experiences and new people. I still remember a couple of memorable conversations I’ve had with complete strangers over the state of Indian cricket and my experiences at school. It more than makes up for the numerous folk who ignore your very existence when you signal for a lift. And remember, by successfully hitching a ride, you’re making the driver feel good by giving him a sense of having done his good-deed-for-the-day. It’s all about the human interaction, you see.

So if you have the time to risk and the hide of a rhino, hitching a ride is seriously recommended. Just ask Arthur Dent!